Episode 14 - Where are you God?

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Welcome to Jen’s New Song.  I’m Jen, a wife, mom, Bible study teacher, music teacher and writer.  I created this podcast because I wanted to study what God’s word says about my thought life.  You see, when I was diagnosed with a mental illness my counsellor told me that I couldn’t trust my own thoughts.  I quickly realized that is true for all of us.  Everything we think needs to be run through the filter of God’s Word.  

This season on the podcast we’ve been working our way through the psalms, studying how the psalmists weren’t afraid to tell God exactly how they felt - no matter how hard or even wrong.  But they ended the psalms by reminding themselves of what they knew to be true about their God.  They took those thoughts and emotions that they were experiencing and they didn’t trust them.  They trusted God’s Word instead.  

Today we’re going to talk about the feeling of being abandoned by God and the three questions the psalmists asks of God in Psalm 77.

I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me.

In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah.

Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times.

I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.

Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?

Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore?

Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.

Asaph has three questions for us.  Will the Lord cast off for ever?  Is his mercy clean gone for ever?  Hath God forgotten to be gracious?

These three questions together could sum up the human experience of suffering.  This is a song in the minor key, a song of suffering, of wondering, of despair.  These are the questions of a man who is tired of the situation he is in.

Haven’t we all been there?  The situation doesn’t really matter.  Asaph doesn’t let us know why he’s suffering and I love those psalms the best, because then I can put myself right in the middle of the Psalm.  Asaph’s questions can become my own.  

It all comes down to this - where are you God?

We might believe in our heart that God is there, but that doesn’t always mean that we feel his presence.  Our emotions are much more fickle than our beliefs and we can be completely convinced that the Bible is true, that Jesus is sitting right beside us, and yet cry out in the night because we can’t feel God.  I know because I’ve done it before.  I’ve even cried out to God wondering where He was right after I assured someone else that He was beside them!

Asaph has found himself in a situation where he doesn’t feel God.  And he’s not afraid to admit it.  I think sometimes we forget that these psalms were public art, songs that the people would sing over and over again.  Asaph tells the whole of the nation of Israel that he lays awake at night wondering where God is and yet we are afraid to admit the same thing even to ourselves and really afraid to admit it to other people, let along God.  But Asaph cries out to God, the One who knows his thoughts anyway.

Asaph tells us how he feels, but then tells us what he’s going to do about it.

And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High.

I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.

I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

What is the best way to match our feelings to our beliefs?  Asaph tells us that it’s to dwell on the belief instead of the feeling.  After acknowledging what he feels, Asaph tells himself what he knows to be true about his God.  He goes on to recount a long and beautiful list of what God has done.

Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God?

Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.

Thou hast with thine arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

The waters saw thee, O God, the waters saw thee; they were afraid: the depths also were troubled.

The clouds poured out water: the skies sent out a sound: thine arrows also went abroad.

The voice of thy thunder was in the heaven: the lightnings lightened the world: the earth trembled and shook.

Thy way is in the sea, and thy path in the great waters, and thy footsteps are not known.

Thou leddest thy people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

He is the God that does wonders and there is no one like Him!  Asaph recounts the history of what God has done for Israel and it encourages him that God could do it again.  Each wonder is a recounting of the ways God has been there all along.

Do you have a list of the things God has done for you?  I don’t keep a journal, a pretty shocking thing for a writer to admit, but I do keep a list in my head of the ways God has worked in my life.  Asaph is laying awake at night, wondering where God is but instead of stopping there, he runs over his list in his head.

Let me tell you some of the ways God has shown Himself strong on my behalf.  In my family growing up, we often recounted two stories.  When my little sister was two, she was diagnosed with Leukaemia.  I still remember visiting her in the ICU with my gown and mask, thinking it was going to be the last time we saw her.  But today she is a wife and mom and pastor’s wife with no side effects.  Well, she’s way shorter than the rest of our family, but we’re okay with that.

We got to see our little country church of just 100 people be able to build an orphanage in the Philippines and I got to be a part of it.  It was a beautiful miracle to be a part of.

In my own little family, we talk much about God’s goodness in the past three years.  His grace and redemption of our family through infidelity is a miracle that we have not yet gotten over.  I have never felt God’s presence so strongly as I did through the past three years.  And it has been a privilege to watch God at work in my husband’s life and in the lives of my children.  

In the first year after we moved and changed everything about our lives, God would often do something special just for me.  I would catch the most beautiful sunrises.  It became a thing between God and I that He would send a sunrise just on the day I needed it most.  I would even sometimes drive down to the water to watch them and it felt like a hug from God.

These are just a few of the things I remember when my emotions tell me that God is not close.  These are the ways that I remember my God is a God of wonders.  That there is no God so great as my God.  What are the things you remember?

Thank you for joining me today.  I wanted to let you know that I made something new for you!  I have a free mini course available called Elijah and his God.  I’ve learned a lot about God and mental illness by studying Elijah and would love to share that with you!  Head to jensnewsong.com/join to get the free course delivered right to your inbox.  If you would like more daily encouragement, follow me on Instagram or Facebook @jensnewsong.  If you hit the subscribe button on your listening app, you won’t miss an episode of this podcast.  While you’re there, would you consider rating and reviewing?  It really helps other people find the podcast since iTunes loves that sort of thing.  I hope that today’s podcast was a blessing to you and would love it if you would share it with a friend!  See you next week.