Episode 22 - Admonish One Another
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Welcome to Jen’s New Song. My name is Jennifer Holmes and I write and speak and podcast on the intersection of faith and mental illness. When I started planning this topic of one anothering for the podcast several months ago, I had no idea a global pandemic was coming. I thought I would be speaking on one anothering in a normal time, when we could gather as the body of Christ, be challenged to see our people more, and to have them become an intentional part of our every day lives. Things look a lot different right now. The body of Christ can’t meet together in real life, we can’t be in each other’s homes, and many people can’t even meet outside for a walk or a talk on a porch - six feet apart of course. So I wondered about changing the topic, but decided not to. Because I think we need more intentional thought on one anothering even more right now. Our role in the body of Christ has not changed, even if the application has. So we will continue on with our Bible study of one anothering and just try to apply it in ways that work right now.
Did you have a best friend growing up? Maybe you’re an adult and still have a best friend. I had a tumultuous relationship with the whole best friend idea. Being homeschooled in a small church didn’t leave a lot of options for finding the perfect best friend. I cried a lot of tears during my teenage years over relationships that were less than ideal. I had some people that were really good friends, but that was back in the day when we had to write letters by hand. My world really opened up when email became a thing!
As I got older and busy with kids and my friends and I had very different lives, it became even harder to have a best friend. Besides, when you’re in the stage where you’re changing diapers all the time, who has time for a best friend? I finally found someone who was in the same stage as me with kids the same age and we had a great run for a while!
Then three and a half years ago my life fell apart, we moved three hours away, and I found myself friendless again. By friendless, I mean without someone I could see on a regular basis. I have some amazing friends that live far away, but I’m still thinking of the best friend, in my life all the time kind of friend.
When we moved here, I decided I was going to work really hard at building friendships. And not just one. But a few. Maybe even several! And now I can say, I’m there. I have a group of amazing friends who I love dearly. Even during this time when I can’t talk to them as much as I would like.
So why, all this talk of best friends at the beginning? Because I was thinking about this saying - you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.
I find that number interesting. Five. Not one. Not just your spouse or a best friend. For so many years of my life I wanted that quintessential best friend - the one magical person that would fulfill all of my needs and be able to hang out with me whenever. But the past couple of years have shown me that is way too much pressure on one person. I don’t want that pressure on me, besides, I’m an introvert and cannot be at someone’s beck and call! And so if I don’t want that pressure on me, I shouldn’t be putting that on a “best friend”. Once I took that pressure off of a single relationship, I realized that I have a group of best friends - people I love to spend time with, that one another me well, and that I can tell anything to. And it’s a beautiful thing.
I repeated that quote - you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with - to one of those friends last week. I was talking about how conversations with that friend had found their way into a counselling session I had with a client. I was able to pass on advice that friend had given me because it had changed my life. And it got me thinking about this group of friends and how they have made me a much better person than I was years ago.
All of this has been a very long intro to today’s verse - Romans 15:14
And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another
Paul is writing to the Romans here and telling them they have the ability to be this kind of friend group. He’s reminding them that they have the ability to be good friends, they have the knowledge needed for relationships, and they are able to admonish one another.
Let’s look at that word admonish. I looked up the original Greek word, but I won’t try to say it here! It means to admonish, warn or exhort. Helping a friend course correct is actually one of the most loving things you can do. And I find when my friends admonish me, it’s rarely even intentional. Their lives preach to me without them even needing to say something. Or if they share something they’ve been learning, it speaks right to my heart. I am admonished by my friends all the time without them even knowing it.
Now, sometimes they need to warn me. There are days I’ve had friends look me right in the eyes and tell me what I’m thinking is wrong. Although it can make me a little sad, or even offended for a second or two, there are very few times in my life I’ve felt more loved by a friend than when they warn me about something important. Admonishing our friends is so important but it takes a level of closeness that can be scary. You have to risk being vulnerable on both sides.
Along with the words admonish and warn, there is also the definition of exhort. Exhort means to strongly encourage someone. Isn’t this the best when your friends do it? When they look you right in the eye and tell you you’re good at something? Or that you should go for it? When they tell you they see God’s gifting in your life? Or even when they encourage you just by sharing their time and presence with you? Exhorting someone is a great gift.
If we go back to Romans 15:14, we see this command to admonish one another, but we also see that God has given us the gifts to be able to do it. Paul tells us that as believers, we are full of goodness and knowledge. The key to this goodness and knowledge is found in the verse before. Paul says, Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
As believers we have the Holy Ghost dwelling in us, giving us the goodness and knowledge we need for our relationships. He gives us wisdom to know when to admonish and when to exhort and when to weep and sing and serve and be quiet and all the other one anothers of the Bible. On our own, we will make a mess of relationships, but with the Holy Ghost, we have everything we need to have very successful ones.
So, who are the five people you’ve been around the most? Can you say that they are making you a better person each time you’re around them? And on the flip side - who are you being a best friend to right now? Are you working hard with the Holy Spirit’s help to make them a better person? Are you admonishing and exhorting with goodness and knowledge? I know that I can always do better in this area, but I’m extremely thankful for the group of friends that I have and how God is using them to shape my life.
Thank you for joining me today. I’m really excited about this series and hope you are too. If you’d like to hear from me more and get almost daily encouragement, I hope you’ll join me on Instagram or Facebook. Just search Jens New Song. You can find transcripts of these episodes on my website if you prefer to read the rest of the season. My website is jensnewsong.com I also have a free mini course available on there on the life of Elijah and what it teaches us about our mental health.
If you enjoyed todays episode and you’re excited about this series, would you forward this to a friend? It might be a great way to build community in your own church! And if you’re really excited, would you go leave a rating and review in iTunes? That’s how other people find the podcast. Or subscribe on YouTube so you don’t miss the next episode. Thanks everyone. Go love someone today!