Mixed Emotions

We got the keys to our new house last week.

In case our life seems confusing – because it is – we moved to Barrie suddenly in October and found a rental.  We then sold our house, that we were renting out because we lived at the camp, and bought one here.  So we finally closed last Thursday.

We got a good deal for the city.  Its an older house that needs some updating for sure and we’re putting in a second bathroom but its a nice house in a nice neighbourhood with a big backyard and some big trees.

So I should be thrilled right?

I went to the lawyers, picked up the key and waited for the excitement to hit.  It never came.  Still hasn’t.

What is my problem, you might be thinking.  I was too.  I thought about it all weekend.

First of all, I don’t want to move.  Really, really, don’t want to move.  No one loves it I’m sure, but this will now be the third move in less than 10 months.  Insanity.  At least this one I knew was coming, so I didn’t really unpack the last time.  It will be very nice to have all my things out again and have my pictures and decor but that will require unpacking.  So there’s that – moving is so. much. work.  And the house is filthy.  And we’re getting some renos done.

But I think what it really comes down to is, I’m done with change.  Almost every single aspect of my life changed a few months ago.  And it was necessary, if painful, and it has turned out amazingly, as God’s plans do, and I love my new life, even if it took some adjusting.  But I’m not sure I have it in me to change even this one thing.  Even if it is for the better.  The kids will be happier, the dog will be happier, I’ll have a brand new ensuite, and I just look at it all and think, I’m tired of this.  I should be ecstatic and I’m not.

I want to hide out in my bed, but instead I’m meeting the water guy on Thursday and the ESA guy on Friday and I picked out tiles and I’m trying to find a vanity.  Because life throws us curve balls and hard days and mixed emotions.  But there is always strength to go on.  Even on the days I want to stay in bed.  Because I’ve learned a little formula for these days.

Acknowledge the emotions and that life stinks sometimes.

And then get your strength from God.

Because some days are hard.  And some days you tell your husband that you’ll do this one last move and then its stay in the same house or divorce.  I may or may not be kidding about that one.

But this little formula is exactly what I would love this community to be about.  To be able to share that life gets hard sometimes, but to pass along the hope that God is so good.  And He imparts His strength to us – its there for the asking!  Maybe today you’re like me and need someone to come along side you and say, Yup, this stinks, but God is good and you can do it through His strength.

And also, if you could pray with me that there would miraculously be a vanity that I love that is less than I was hoping to spend on the entire bathroom.  Amen.


Messy Love

I really don’t love Valentine’s Day.  If there was the equivalent of a Scrooge, I would probably be that.  What could you call that anyways?  I think we should make something up.  Before you think I’m completely horrible, I did make all the kids Valentine’s Day popcorn to take to class.  It even had pink and red smarties and sprinkles in it.  Of course, it was covered in sticky marshmallow goop, so maybe the teachers won’t be so thrilled.

Anyways, not my favourite day.  I always say that Michael and I get along every day except holidays and anniversaries.  Too many expectations, too much pressure.  And some days, I just don’t feel the love.  Because you know what?  Sometimes people are terrible.  And they hurt us and disappoint us.  And its not just romantic love that disappoints.  Friends, family, kids, they all have the ability to wound us and make us hate days where we’re supposed to be celebrating love.

So, should we just throw it all away?  Become the Scrooge of Valentine’s?

This morning I got a nice card and a little gift beside my bed.  And it was lovely.  Please don’t judge, but I didn’t even get Michael a card, let alone a gift.  And we probably won’t even make it out for our plan of dessert at this little cafe because, well, Tuesdays and kids and homework and robots.  Yes, my older two children are on a team that’s building a robot for a competition.  And yes, its ruining my life, but they’re happy and have zero time for watching youtube, so there’s that.  Does that mean Valentine’s Day is ruined?

Depends.

Depends on your definition of love.

If celebrating love means roses and butterflies and notes and chocolates and feelings, then yes.

But if this past year has taught me anything, its that love is actually very rarely those things.  Instead, love is forgiveness and grace, again and again, and its messy and heartbreaking and self-sacrificing and sometimes you have to fight with all your might to keep it.  Sometimes you have to beg God to give it to you, because its impossible to give of it yourself.  Its praying for the people who have hurt you and turn their back on you and refuse to text you back anymore.  Its cleaning and meals and rides.  Its a lot of work.

But that kind of love?  That messy very very hard love?  Its the most wonderful, fulfilling thing you will ever experience.  Because it comes straight from Heaven.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t have it in myself to do all those things.  To keep sacrificing, to keep forgiving again and again.  But God does.  And He’s living right inside me.  Teaching me about love more and more every year.  Pushing me to love more, love deeper.

So for me, this Valentine’s Day has very few of the mushy feelings – lets face it, I’m generally not that person anyways – but thinking about it today has renewed my determination to love people in the real, messy, and hard ways that true love requires.


Failure, mess-ups, and love

Last Sunday night I was standing in the back hall waiting for the choir to file out.  I had only been in the back line once before, but I knew the drill.  The only way to know when you’re supposed to file out is to keep peeking out of the door to see when the other row started.  I peeked out once.  Nothing.  Then promptly forgot my job.  Yup.  Even though it was about 30 seconds till church was supposed to start, I forgot to look out again.  I got laughing at some story being told.  Just enjoying myself like the fate of the back row didn’t rest on me.  Suddenly, I thought to open the door and look out.  There stood the other half of the choir in their nice neat row.  The director was waiting behind her music stand, the pianist had already started in the intro.  And our row was completely empty.  I practically ran out the door, not looking to see if anyone else could keep up.  Its a good thing I don’t wear heels or I would’ve added falling on my face to my embarrassment.  The pianist had to completely restart the intro.  Horrors.  Not only that, but in my haste, I threw open my music until I realized that everyone else was calmly standing with their music closed, waiting for the director.  Like the good choir people do.  So I shut it at the precise moment she told everyone else to open theirs.  I tried telling myself that it was Sunday night, not morning at least.  Everyone knows that Sunday night is more relaxed and errors are more acceptable.  That in the grand scheme of life, this was not that big of a deal.  And on and on I talked to myself, trying to not feel absolutely horrible.  But horrible it was.  I felt terrible.  Like a complete failure.  Not only that, but one of the church staff members teased me about it right on the platform and I told him to shut up.  In church.  To a staff member.  Although, I really can’t bring myself to feel like that was a complete failure.  He kind of deserved it and he’s way younger than me.

And earlier last week, I was helping with the church website.  I’ve basically sworn off anything complicated to do with church websites for the rest of my entire life.  But this was just changing the theme on WordPress.  I knew I could do that.  So I got my computer, camped out in my bed – my office these days until we move – and installed the new theme.  Which basically takes the website down to nothing until you build it back up.  I distinctly remember thinking, what if I fail at this?  These people don’t even love me yet.  They hardly know me, let alone love me.  What if I totally mess this up, can’t fix it, and I will be known as a failure.

And that’s when it occurred to me.

We’re all just looking to be loved.

And when we mess up, we feel like no one will love us.  So I had to have a little talk with myself.  Some days we just need to preach a little truth, right?  Because we forget so easily.  In the middle of stressful situations, in the middle of our mess-ups, when we do actually fail big time, this is when the lies start.  We allow the lies to tell us that we are the sum of our mess-ups, that no one loves us, that we are not worthy of God’s love.

But that is just not the truth that is in God’s word.  God loved us first.  Before we ever did a thing for Him.  He died for us while we were yet sinners.  We don’t have to earn His love.  He loves us more perfectly than anyone ever could, every day, every minute, through every mess-up, every failure.  So rest assured in His love today.  Even if you messed up the choir, or cooked a dinner so bad you had to feed it to the dog (which I also did last week), or yelled at the kids again, or just generally feel like you’re failing at life.  God loves you no matter what.


Jehovahshalom

I always think of Gideon as a little scared.

I mean, God had to really convince him to go and fight the Midianites.  Back and forth with the fleece, hiding out in a winepress, Gideon’s beginning doesn’t seem to match his ending.

But right at the beginning of his story is where we find the name of God, Jehovahshalom.  Meaning, The Lord is Peace.  Right when Gideon is choosing to get involved in the battle, you would think he would be thinking about other names, like maybe, the Lord is our banner.  Or something about victory.  But his first impression is peace.

Gideon is hiding in the winepress, threshing his wheat so the Midianites won’t steal it, when the angel of the Lord appears to him and gives him his very first assignment.  When he realizes exactly who is talking to him, I’m guessing he had quite a look on his face because the next words of the story are, “And the Lord said unto him, Peace be unto thee; fear not: thou shalt not die.”  Maybe he meant, you won’t die from the assignment and maybe you won’t die right this second, we don’t know, but either way, it would appear that Gideon is pretty scared right now.

“Then Gideon built an altar there unto the Lord, and called it Jehovahshalom: unto this day it is yet in Ophrah of the Abiezrites.”

Gideon was scared, but willing.  So, in the way of the Old Testament Israelites who wanted to remember major events, he built an altar.  And called it The Lord is Peace.  Peace.  Not victory.  I think that maybe Gideon knew he needed to feel that peace before he could even enter the battle.  In the New Testament we call it the peace that passes understanding.  Even though he was scared and hesitant and later on had to be convinced once again, he wanted to remember that at that moment, he felt peace.  The kind that only comes from God.

God had fully convinced him that he was where he needed to be and doing what he needed to do.  So when the battle got hard, or long, or heartbreaking, or dangerous, or anything else that battles do, he could look back at the altar and know.  The Lord was his peace.

I always thought I knew about that peace that passes understanding.  Until the last two months.  I cannot even tell you how much I’ve learned about and leaned on that peace.  Although, I suppose that is the way of life.  You always think you’ve got it figured out until the next curve ball.  The peace of the Lord has flooded my life in ways I can’t explain.  Its as though I can feel Jehovahshalom standing beside me in the battle.  Reminding me that He is in control and I have nothing to fear.  The battle may be raging, but with Jehovahshalom standing by my side, I can have complete peace in spite of it.  I know the battle the Lord has allowed in my life, I know what He’s asked me to do in the battle, and I feel like I could, with Gideon, build an altar right here in my Ophrah.  Reminding me in the future of the peace God has given with this assignment.

Are you feeling scared today?  Really, can there be many days when everything is going so well we have nothing we could be scared of?  But this is where this name is so important.  Because His peace is what gets us through the battle.  You can trust in Him, Jehovahshalom.

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Shiny

So I go to a new church now.  Its a shiny, new, big church.  Seriously, it has like 15 huge chandeliers in the auditorium.  Well, I haven’t counted, but its close.  I’ve been going to conferences at this church since I was about 12.  Its one of those big professional churches where everything runs smoothly and looks beautiful.

I thought it might be hard for me to feel at home here after going to a small country church and living at a camp.  We would have lots of people, but it definitely wasn’t big or shiny or new.  But I have started to feel at home here.

You might think that would’ve started when I sang in the choir, or when we became members, or when we had our first parent teacher meetings.  But no.  I distinctly remember the first time I smiled and thought, this feels like home.

It was when one poor little boy threw up over the other poor kids while the kids choir was singing one Sunday night.  Before you think I’m a horrible person, I really did feel sorry for this poor little boy and the other children who kept right on singing covered in, well, you know.  And also, in my defence, I was not the only adult barely keeping it together.

But it was the first time that my church was not just shiny and new and big.  In that moment it was just a regular church with regular people and sick kids and a clean up on aisle 3 right in the middle of service.

I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now.  I spent so much of my life trying to look shiny.  I never let anyone in, tried to make sure I was giving the best impression possible.  I made sure I always did the right things, said the right things, looked the right way.  And it was exhausting.  And I had very few friends.  Go figure.  I was always striving.  Always trying to look shiny and new and awesome.  And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that I should suddenly start doing or saying the wrong things.  But I was fake.  I didn’t tell anyone I was struggling with depression.  I would never have written a blog post about feeling angry or sad.

But I’ve been learning.  As I look around, as I hear other people’s stories, as I tell mine, none of us are very shiny or new.  I think there’s a verse like that, right?

So here in this new church, I’ve tried to be even a little more honest.  I told a few people that going to that same conference that I had been attending for all those years as a “former pastor’s wife” was very hard.  And that I worked in the kitchen so I wouldn’t have to answer questions all day.  When I confided that in one new friend, she told me why she was having a difficult day and we hugged and cried together at the sink and I suddenly felt a connection with her that will hopefully form the basis of a solid relationship.

Shiny and new and big and awesome has its place, but crying together at the sink is beautiful too.

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Fix my heart

Life is full of movement.

Sometimes it seems good.  We might say life is moving along well right now.  Or, I’m on the right track.  Running my race well.

But sometimes the movement is scary, a storm.  Like you’re in a little boat and a storm has come up.  The waves are crashing, tossing you to and fro.  Or maybe some days you feel like me.  Like a tornado somehow came while you were sleeping and you’re not in Kansas anymore.

One thing is sure, where there is life, there will be movement.  Good or bad.  Happy or sad.  Whether the movement is because of our own choices or the choices of others.

A phrase came up in my Bible reading the other day and I have been meditating on it all week.  Psalm 108 starts with the words, “O God, my heart is fixed;”  Not fixed as in, it was broken and now its not.  Not fixed as in, my problems have all been solved.  No, the first meaning of fixed in the dictionary is fastened securely in position.

Psalm 108 is a psalm where Israel is asking God for deliverance from their enemies.  They felt surrounded on all sides, yet the very first words of the psalmist were, my heart is fixed.  The type of movement, the direction, the uncertainty of life didn’t change one thing – his heart was fastened securely in position.

What does it mean to have your heart fixed?  This word has fascinated me all week because I love that it doesn’t all have to be fixed for your heart to be fixed.

You can have a broken heart and it can still be fixed.

You can be enduring pain and it can still be fixed.

You can be suffering, be uncertain, basically, be a mess, and your heart can still be fixed.

This is the one thing that you can have control over.  We can’t always control the movement of our life.  Storms come, tornadoes come, but we can fix our heart.  We can decide that our faith is unmovable.  That our trust cannot be tossed to and fro.  We can stand beside God’s word and say, I will not be moved.

I imagine it was this kind of faith that allowed Jesus to sleep on the boat, Paul to endure persecution, Silas to sing in chains.

Its the faith that allows believers today to continue in difficult situations.  To face cancer, death, betrayal, financial difficulty, depression, sickness, pain of all types.

The rest of the verse continues, “O God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, even with my glory.”

Not only was his heart fixed on God, but he was determined to praise God, no matter what.  This praise did not come after God had delivered him from his enemies, but before and no matter if He did or did not.  The psalmists heart was fixed on God no matter the direction his life was about to take.

While life moves fast, raging all around me, I believe I can say with the psalmist, my heart is fixed O God.  Will you determine today to fix your heart?

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Brave

There’s a quote by Ann Voskamp that’s been running through my head the last couple of days.

Fear can be what we feel but brave is what we do

I can’t get it out of my head because its just what I need right now.  The boxes are mostly unpacked.  The kitchen is mostly organized.  I think I’ve recovered physically from the move.  The most important address changes are done.  So basically, its now time for this introvert to look for some community and find friends and get involved at church and all those other hard things.

I went to the same church for 28 years.  I’ve been on staff or practically on staff for many of them.  I could pay a bill, I knew how to get into every door, I knew where the extra toilet paper was.  I knew all the faces, all the events.  Now, I’m a part of this huge new church and I still haven’t figured out which back hallway gets me to the right part of downstairs yet.  Emma forgot her some of her homework last night and asked why we couldn’t just go back and get it.  Well, at this church, they lock the doors.  And they don’t announce the number to the keypad from the pulpit like our little church did.  Its a very odd feeling.

I’ve been trying to jump in and get involved and get to know people.  It was going really well until this morning.  For some reason, I started crying this morning and was having a difficult time stopping.  Then a friend from home texted and asked if I was homesick.  I didn’t think I was until after I answered and then realized that its finally hit me.  The finality of this transition.  My life completely and utterly changed in a matter of a few weeks and now I have to start rebuilding.  And I’m singing in the choir and making pot pies and going out for coffee but its hard and its scary.  And this morning the last thing to send me over the edge was my hair.

Can we just pause here for a moment and talk about this??  I left right before my last hair appointment.  Which is a tragedy because I absolutely loved my hairdresser.  She was the best.  So I missed my appointment and now my roots are really showing.  And I’ve never noticed how much grey there was before.  So I started asking around about good hairdressers.  And do you know what they say?  I’ll ask mine if she’s taking on new clients.  Um, pardon?  In Rodney you didn’t turn away clients.  There was no crazy talk of not being able to go to whichever hairdresser you chose.  And one lady told me to call hers because she was so reasonable and then she quoted me a price that was almost double what I paid in Rodney.  So, I’m sure you can see why this just pushed me right over the edge.

Well, I had my good cry, got up, put on my makeup, did what little I could with my hair at this point, drove to the church and got on this bus.  I desperately did not want to do this today.  I had no idea if there was anyone going I would know.  I’ve seen people I barely know every day for quite a few days now and that makes me tired.  And weepy, apparently.  But I went to a hospital and handed out muffins for a love works campaign.  And praise the Lord, out of the four of us, I knew two well and one lady whom I had met on Sunday.  We brought a lot of joy to staff and patients at the hospital.

And you know what I felt by the end of the afternoon after working through all that fear?  Brave.  And maybe still a little weepy.  But a lot more brave than I did this morning.

Feelings are real and fear is real and its ok to feel and to fear.  But its not ok to stay there.  So maybe today we can acknowledge our fear, but face it.  And do something brave.

Fear can be what we feel but brave is what we do

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Yahweh-Rapha

The LORD that Healeth.

This one has been popping up in my study of the names of God but I keep scrolling past it.

Honestly, I struggle with this one.

Next month will be 8 years of chronic pain.  I have asked the Lord a thousand times to fix it.  And He hasn’t.  Frankly, its frustrating.  I asked then if it could at least be diagnosed.  And I’m not.  Its embarrassing to have to explain to people that I can’t do certain things, or admit that I spent the day in bed, or that I couldn’t fall asleep at night from the pain, but I don’t know why.  I have a few close friends that I joke with about my “illness” and we laugh about it being an excuse for everything, but mostly, its just hard.  And I’m not healed.

And what about my friend who was sent home from the hospital to her four kids not being able to walk.  And told that its probably nothing.  Or my friend that just started being a friend but is now dying of cancer.  I’ve been thinking over this name of God in relation to those two women for a while now.  Why aren’t they healed?  Where is the Great Physician in all of this?

Then I started to actually study this out in depth.  Did you know the words “The Great Physician” cannot be found in the Bible?  Um, what?  I’ve been saved since I was a little girl and been studying and teaching the Bible for years and I fully expected that phrase to come up when I typed it in.  Nope.  Not there.  So I looked up physician.  There are actually only 11 verses that have the word physician(s) in them.  The times in the Gospels that Jesus refers to Himself as a physician, He’s talking to the Pharisees and telling them they need healing for their souls.  It actually has nothing to do with the physical body.  One other time He uses the word physician to say that the people are going to eventually tell Him to heal Himself.

Where The LORD that Healeth appears in the Bible is in Exodus 15.  The Israelites had just crossed the Red Sea on dry land.  In typical human fashion, they started complaining.  To be fair, they were in the desert and the water was bitter.  So the Lord told Moses to put a tree in the water and then it was drinkable.  More than that, it was sweet.  Then the Lord says that if they follow His commands, he will not bring on the diseases of the Egyptians and calls Himself the Lord that Healeth.

So where is all this going?  Why does it make a difference if we say the Lord that Healeth or the Great Physician.

Well, maybe it only makes a difference to me, but this study changed my whole thinking on this name.  You see, to me, doctors have failed me.  (If you’re a doctor reading this, I don’t hate you personally, I just dislike your profession.  No offence.)  I have been to doctor after doctor and had test after test and it has done exactly nothing for me.  So when I think of God as the Great Physician, it makes me think of Him as someone who has the ability to heal my body, but just decided not to.

But a healer is totally different.  A healer cares about much more than just the physical body.  He takes into account my emotional health, my mental health, and most importantly, my spiritual health.  And instead of just deciding not to heal my body, He is instead choosing not to heal it because,

He’s healing something else.

But He is always healing.

This is so profound for me because instead of focusing on what is not healing, I can focus on what is.

Because He is always working to heal me.

In some way.

yahweh-rapha


Jehovahnissi

Does life ever feel like a battle to you?

It does to me.  I get tired, I feel alone, the battle seems endless.  Sometimes it seems as if I could comfort myself with the thought that it will be a short battle, so I’ll just “get through it”.  Other times, long battles come into my life, like eight years of chronic pain, and I realize that I need more help than to just, “get through it”.  In fact, getting through it seems impossible.

The name Jehovahnissi appears only one time in the Bible.  The story is Moses and Joshua fighting against the Amalekites.  You may be familiar with the part of the story where Aaron and Hur hold up Moses’ arms so that Joshua could win the battle.  But this name of God comes after the victory is won.

At the end of the battle, the Amalekites are defeated and Israel is rejoicing.  But God commands Moses to remember what happened here.  To remember the battle fought and won.  He is to write it down, rehearse it in the ears of Joshua, and they are to specifically remember that God has completely defeated their enemies.

Then Moses does something interesting.  He builds an altar.  Altars in the Bible were used to either worship or remember.  Moses knows that its important for the Israelities to remember this victory.  And he calls the name of the altar Jehovahnissi, the Lord our Banner.

Why banner?

Banner here gives the idea of a pole with a flag attached, carried during the battle.  The job of this banner was to essentially rally the troops.  It gave them something to look at, a visual reminder of who they were fighting for and why they were fighting.  It gave them a sense of fighting together, that they were not alone.  There was a great cause, a team.  That banner waving in the wind was a focal point that the soldiers looked to when they needed encouragement.

Here Moses is reminding the soldiers that the Lord is our banner.  It is Him that we fight for, Him that we look to.  He is our source of encouragement in the battle.  He is our encouragement because it is through Him that our battles are won.

Have you won a battle?  May I encourage you to build an altar?  There are Joshuas fighting right now who need to see an altar and need a Moses.  Someone to rehearse in their ears the name Jehovahnissi.  To remind them to look up and see the Lord our banner.  To focus on Him in the battle.

Are you in the middle of a battle?  Look up.  Always up.  Imagine in the sky there is a banner waving.  A tangible reminder of the Lord.  That He is with us, fighting for us.  That we never have to face a battle alone. Jehovahnissi.el-roi-2


For the Hard Things

September.  Its a magical month.  Everyone is excited for fall, routine, sweaters, and oddly, pumpkin.  Its the real New Year.  Thoughts of comfort and schedules abound.

Every September for the past ten years, I’ve been excited to start homeschooling.  I gather the books, make my plans, buy new supplies, and all the the things.  This year, well, this year I think the only word to describe my feelings would be, ticked off.

Yup.  I am not at all into it this year.  In fact, I spent the summer dreaming up different scenarios where I didn’t have to homeschool.  Only problem is they pretty much all consisted of Michael dying so we could move somewhere even remotely close to a Christian school, because that’s pretty much the only way I’m getting him to leave the camp.  Since that poses a whole new set of problems, I decided not to go that route.

So that brought me to this weekend.  I had bought the books, the supplies, done all the things, and as I lay in bed last night I could not stop thinking about how much I did not want to do this this year.  So much so that I ended up with a migraine, pain escalating like crazy in my left side, and a slight I can’t breathe feeling.

Every year that my kids are getting older, homeschooling takes up a little more of my time.  And now my son is starting high school.  Which is crazy.  And even more time consuming.  And I have things I want to do and learn and be.  And instead of being able to add more to my schedule, I’ve actually been taking things out.  Because, teenagers.  And I have a feeling its only going to get worse.  So this year I’m not teaching music for the first time since I was about 16.  And I’m not taking any music lessons.  Or classes.  The last thing I’ve held on to is my writing.  On the good days I tell myself that I’m narrowing my focus.  On the bad days I feel like I just have to keep giving up more of myself.

So this morning I got up, made breakfast, and then started homeschooling the children.  Why?  Well, I started writing this blog post to find out.  You see, I’m not going to give you a list of why I homeschool because this really isn’t about that.  This year I’ve been focusing my blog on using Biblical principles to help me manage my emotions.  And I obviously needed help today.  I’ve been chewing on the why all day and writing it somehow helps me believe it.

Why?

Because my life is not my own.

Its not even my kids.  Although that sounds noble and even Biblical.

My life is God’s.  And I am fully convinced that He’s asking me to do this hard thing.  The thing itself doesn’t matter so much.  Its the fact that I know what I’m supposed to do, even when I really really don’t want to.  All day long I prayed that God would fix my attitude.  I started thinking that was a terrible thing to pray, but then realized its actually an essential thing to pray.  And if spent the whole day praying only that, it would be worthwhile.

So tomorrow I will get up and homeschool again.  And again.  Until I’m done or convinced that I’m not supposed to anymore.  And I’m going to try and convince myself to do some more work tonight because apparently the awesome new English curriculum I decided to try for Arianna comes with 14 hours of parent instruction I was supposed to have watched first.  Insert all the eye rolls here.

Is there a hard thing you’re being asked to do?  Lets pray together for good attitudes and reminders that we serve God, not ourselves.

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