I’m a perfectionist.
This has caused problems for me most of my life. Lack of sleep, stress, worry, they all come along with it. I’ve tried so hard to be the best at something, anything. I work and work at things that just don’t matter, or I stress out about what people think of me.
Living like that has been exhausting but I’m slowly recovering. I still like to be really, really good at, well, everything, but life has been far from perfect lately.
I’ve been thinking about this with my renos lately. I haven’t had time to finish painting. Or hang up all the pictures. My contractor hasn’t come back to finish details yet. Everything is in a state of half done.
But its been good for me.
Because today Emma told me that she really loves this house. There’s still junk on the back porch. There’s no grass in the backyard. Her room is not put together yet. And because of all those things, I don’t feel quite at home here yet. But Emma loves it. For all the right reasons. Because without all the stress of life, and the drive of perfectionism, and the worrying about what people think, she sees the house where her family lives, where she can play and sleep and we eat around the table together and we laugh and talk and rest. She can see past the imperfections to what really matters. She can find the beauty in the chaos.
That’s what I want to see in my life. My family is not perfect. My husband is not perfect. I’m not perfect. Life doesn’t always work out like I planned. People disappoint, troubles come. And yet, with a closer look, it can all be beautiful. I can enjoy this beautiful house with its dirty trim and unadorned walls. I can enjoy my marriage and family even during the hard times. I can see the beauty in life even when my body is in pain.
But only if I let go of the idea of perfection.
One day I’ll finally revel in the perfection of everything, but not until Heaven. Until then, may I always choose to see past the imperfections of my house, my life, my people, and choose instead to see the beauty.