I just had to say that tonight, I’m happy.
I’m exhausted. I’ve had 5000 things going on in the past week and I have about 1000 to go. Pick any task or chore and its probably not fully done. There are suitcases still in my car and groceries on the counter. My pain levels have steadily risen all week. Someone in my house has been sick for the past ten days. I missed church tonight to put sick kids to bed. List out any kind of to-do list and I’m behind. Oh. And I ate a cinnamon bun. After 7. On purpose.
But I’m forgetting it all and writing because I’m happy.
This often still feels like a new feeling for me. I spent so many years struggling with depression, with being defined by my to-do lists, that a week like this would have thrown me right over the edge into the pit. So I’m just sitting here marvelling at God’s grace. Over the past few days, He has shown me in many ways His grace in my life by giving me energy, arranging my days in specific ways, in the sunshine on my face while I try to figure out my harmony homework, in the amazing messages I heard at the conference I was just at, in hugs from friends I don’t get to see very often. Just this morning I was saying that I wasn’t sure when I was going to go grocery shopping. And I missed last week too. Then this afternoon Emily, who runs our homeschool day, gave me an unexpected hour off. It took me five minutes to clue in, but I finally realized that was just enough time to run to Costco:) You know, I didn’t even think to pray about when I could get to Costco, but God carved out an hour for me anyways. This might not sound that serious to you, but when you live 45 minutes away from Costco and you’re in the middle of Kiwanis Festival, its a big deal.
The next four weeks are filled with the same amount of craziness. All good things, but this type of schedule used to make me crash. Now, I may need to sleep for a week after, but I’m happy. Because when my focus is on God, it frees me up to see all the little things He does for me every day. I feel refreshed each time He shows me His love. The joy of the Lord is my strength.